Throughout my life I had been searching for Jesus. I found him working in a Hostel in Tequila.
I was in a lot of pain and discomfort while in Tequila, but I was trying to put on a brave face and get on with it, but things had got very bad.
Unfortunately for me Jesus in the Hostel didn’t have the same healing powers as his name sake, so I resigned myself to seeing a Doctor.
I went to the Hospital Loreto in Tequila and met Doctor Luis Loreto at the door. He arrived at the door in his bathrobe with a piece of toast in his hand. I started explaining in my best spanish that I was not well. Once I got the the part of the squits he paused looked at his toast and gestured for me to come in.
I waited for a few minutes while he finished his breakfast and dressed himself.
He brought me into his treatment room/0ffice. In these situations with limited language you cannot beat around the bush, try to be polite etc. you have to get straight to the point to make sure you are understood. I said I have mucho pain in my ass and there is some blood. He understood that alright.
After some examinations he asked me to get up on the table with a knowing smile sencing my embarrassment. Keen to get it over and done with I got up pulled my trousers down a little and buried my face in the pillow awaiting the inevitable examination. “No senor, pull your pants up and turn the other way please”. Damn it! How presumptuous of me, I had been in a similarly presumptuous situation before with a lady. . It was a little embarrassing.
After the prelim examination I did indeed recieve the inevitable butt examination which I had been dreading. He had also proded up a supository which had me in severe agony.
The doctor sencing that I was somewhat traumatised after the ordeal exited the room and switched off the lights, and left me there like a rape victim to ponder my thoughts and wallow in my shame.
He returned after 15 minutes or so with a big tin basin of water and instructed me to pull my pants down and sit in it.
“What just sit in the bucket?”
“In the middle to the room?…,what here?…. just like that?”.
“Si, Si” he continued
Most of this was not actually conveyed in words but embarrassed glances and wide open frightened eyes on my part.
Oh well needs must I suppose, I was in pain.
I pulled my pants down and lowered myself into the bucket. “Ouch!” “agua caliente!”.
How embarrassing. He left me there sitting in the “bucket” for a good 25 minutes while he went about his business, coming and going and me the gringo just sitting in his office in bucket with my pants around my ankles. How degrading, how embarrassing, but I had lost all dignity and sense of pride over the last few days and all I wanted was relief. I thought how strange this must look. I was laughing at the situation myself and the doctor too, he knew how I was feeling. At one stage he sat at his desk doing paper work, while I sat on the floor in a tin bucket. I couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact with him or to make small talk. I felt like what I imagine a dog might feel like when you make eye contact with him while he’s dropping one in the park. “Stop looking at me!this is embarrassing enough”
Dr Luis later went into the adjoining bathroom area to wash what I presumed were medical instruments, presumablely for use on me. I could hear them being tapped on the sink. After a while I said , so what happens next? in spanish. Que pasa proxima? (i think). He looked past the door so I could see him and he said something. I’m not even sure what it was, it was more the patches of shaving foam on his face and the razor in his hands I was fixed on. He had been shaving. Oh well I had interrupted his breakfast all the same!
After the bucket incident he instructed me to get up on the table again. I stepped up reluctantly again pulled my trousers down a little and lay face down again.
He said, “turn around” in spanish, Damn it I had done it again!! its not exactly like I have fond memories of the last ocassion but I know where it hurts and its not in the front!
He proceeded to carry out some other abdominal examinations.
After I was issued some supositiores, some fiber, anti parasitic medicine.
When i returned to the hostel I recounted the story in my best spanish to Jesus the hostel owner and Carlos his friend. I said what happened to much laughter but I said “Pero el es muy simpatico tambien”. Trying to say that despite my ordeal and what the Doctor subjected me to that he was nice Doctor. Jesus said
“Si, Si, pero, el es muy gay tambien……”
Ekkk, hit the breaks. What, You mean a gay dude put his finger in my butt!
Much laughter was had at my expense..
In the end it took another visit to Dr Loreto and some new drugs to help my problem. I spent the next few days sitting in a bucket of hot water 3 times a day back in my room at the hostel. I had inflammation of the anus, following the squits apparently made worse by my two days riding in sweltering heat without a shower, due to the overnight boat and then my camping the following night.
Despite Dr Loreto being as gay as Christmas, he was extremely professional, a genuine nice guy and a good Doctor. Old school health care at its beast, he done everything from examinations, filling the bucket, administering drugs, getting me drinks. Thanks Doc
So as I finish editing this I have left Tequila and I am now in Guadalajara. I am feeling much better and am on the mend. Perhaps you are not really interesting in reading about my health issues but, this is reality with a long trip such as this and there is no point in sugar coating anything. Also, maybe you are surprised at my being so candid about my experiences, but if you can’t laugh at your own misfortune, well, you are taking yourself too seriously and you remove the right to laugh at others people’s misfortunes, which I like to do occasionally ( but only when nobody get hurts .. or maybe just gets a little bit hurt).. like a skate border doing the splits on a railing..